I once had a drunk guy tell me I was too sexy to be shooting up at a party. He knocked the needle out of my hands and stepped on the pen, shattering the casing, telling me I should thank him by giving him my number and a kiss. It was my diabetes medicine.
(submitted by anonymous)
OKAY SO LETS TALK ABOUT WHEN YOUR GIRL IS ASS NAKED LOOKING FOR CLOTHES TO WEAR AND SHE AINT EEM TRYNA BE CUTE SHE OUT HERE LOOKING FOR MATCHING SOCKS N SHIT BUT LOWKEY LOOKING MAJESTIC N SHIT, SHE OVER HERE WALKING CROSS THE ROOM OVER TO THE CLOSET WITH THIS SEXY ASS GAZELLE ASS WALK AND YOU OUT HERE LIKE MY NIGGA HOW ARE YOU EVEN REAL RIGHT NOW I CAN BUHLEEDISHIT AND THEN YOU SEE HER FACE WHILE SHE PUTTING TOGETHER OUTFIT AND SHE LIKE 12 DIFFERENT TYPES OF CUTE AND YOU NOT REALLY UNDERSTANDING HOW ALL THIS IS EXISTING IN THE SAME UNIVERSE
and then she does that shit for another 45 fucking minutes and its annoying as hell cuz yall aint never on time for nothing cuz her fuckass cant never make up her mind.
Trust should be measured on how many seconds you have your snapchat on when you send an ugly selfie